you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
