You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
