he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize