Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
