who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
