In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize