I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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