For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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