Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
