After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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