I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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