Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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