Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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