I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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