I'm going to rape someone's good day.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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