I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
