Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The Olympian is in my bed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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