your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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