she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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