Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize