Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
