ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
