how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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