everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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