in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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