u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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