There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize