Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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