Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
