And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
