i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
