So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
