This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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