I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
