that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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