I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
