he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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