I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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