Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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