Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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