I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
