you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
