I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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