Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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