you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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