Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she peed on how many people?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
