You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
me + whiskey = a bad person
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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