I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
