Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
