If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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