I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
