During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
