Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
