I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
