shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
