The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
