my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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