one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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