Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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