I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this boner is exhausting
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
