That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize