Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize