Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
