she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
