He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
